Be under no illusions, we are in the midst of a pandemic. At present, in excess of 35% of the world population is experiencing physical and / or sexual violence from a partner. In 2016 in England and Wales alone, 1.03 million cases of domestic violence were recorded. A third of these victims were men. Every month, around nine of those victims (two men and seven women) end up being killed by their current or former partner.  

So what is domestic violence? How does it show itself? And what can I do if I think I am affected?  

What is domestic violence?

You do not need to experience physical violence to be a victim of domestic violence. Indeed, any incident of controlling, coercive or threatening behaviour from somebody you are or were intimately involved is defined as domestic violence. This applies to anyone regardless of gender, sexuality or age.   Acts of physical or sexual violence are perhaps the most obvious forms of domestic violence. These acts include any form of unwanted physical contact such as hitting and unwanted sex. Coercive and controlling behaviour by a current or former partner is also commonly seen in domestic violence cases. The abuser’s aim is to make the victim subordinate and become dependent on them. This may involve the abuser forbidding the victim from seeing their family or friends; aggressively quizzing the victim about their activities outside the home; and depriving the victim from making decisions on their own. On the 29th December 2015 acts of—“coercive and controlling behaviour”—became a criminal offence. Threats and bullying at the hands of a current or former partner are also common in domestic violence cases. These can include being regularly put down by the abuser and being threatened with adverse consequences (e.g., being personally threatened with physical harm or threats of harming others).    

So what can I do if I am affected?

It is common for people who are affected by domestic violence not to tackle their abuse. We know that, on average, a woman is assaulted 35 times before she calls the police: There may be numerous reasons behind this; for example, victims may be fearful of not being believed, not being able to see an alternative, believing that the relationship will improve, a fear of breaking up the family, and not wanting to get the abuser into trouble. Nonetheless, we all have the right to live our lives without abuse or fear of abuse. It is important to note that victims of abuse are not responsible for their suffering. In addition, research has found that domestic abuse rarely stops and commonly escalates (worsens) over time.  

If you believe you are a victim of domestic violence, there are a number of things you can do to improve your quality of life. Importantly, this does not mean you have to separate from your partner.  

The first stage in tackling the problem is identifying it. Ask yourself, what exactly is happening? For example, are you experiencing subtle controlling behaviour (e.g., are you being inappropriately discouraged from seeing your family and friends) or is it actual physical or sexual violence. If any form of domestic violence is present, consider reminding yourself: This is a real problem and you do not have to put up with it.  

The second stage in tackling domestic violence is considering what you can do about it. Remember, how ever difficult your situation might seem, there are solutions. And this takes us to stage 3.  

Stage 3. Dependent on your situation, the following actions can be applied.  

In the event of rape or violence, the first port of call should be the police (999) as these incidences are serious. In this case (and in some other cases), you may want to think about finding a safe place to stay (this could be with friends or family). If this is not possible, female victims of domestic violence and children can stay at safe house (a Women’s Aid Refuge; Tel. 0808 2000 247; www.womansaid.org.uk). Sometimes, victims can be assisted by their local housing department. It is important to remember to bring necessary possessions with you - such as mobile phone, medication, car keys, purse and a form of ID when you leave.  

Cases of domestic violence that do not pose immediate risk can often be addressed with advice and personal ideas. Advice may come from a trusted person or from a professional. You may want to consider practically what to do (e.g., “Where shall I live?”, “What shall I do with my children?”). If these questions cannot be remedied by your own actions, the following organisations specialise in helping victims of domestic violence. For female victims The National Domestic Violence Helpline (0808 200 0247; www.thenationaldomesticviolencehelpline.org.uk) offer advice on a range of relevant matters. Male victims of domestic violence can call the Mens Advice Line on 0808 801 0327 (www.mensadviceline.org.uk). For those who have already been a victim of crime, Victim Support (0808 168 9111; www.victimsupport.org.uk) may be able to help with money, childcare and emotional distress. Alternatively, you can report incidences of abuse to any healthcare professional such as your G.P.  

By Marilza Da Silva BSc. (Hons.) and Thomas Brown BA (Hons.) PGCert. MBPsS

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